mad momma

charlotte bee has become such a little lady in these past few weeks. her conversation and sentence formation skills are improving by the day. she's become very observant and curious, okay, maybe just more observant and more curious. and her willingness to help and assist have been so wonderful. she's taking on this big sister roll quite well and insists on practicing regularly.

in these weeks and during this little transformation/growth she has also become more aware of moods and attitudes and responses. and in this she has pinpointed me and mine. it crushes her to disappoint/upset me, {though it doesn't prevent her usual mis-behaviors} and once she realizes my mood has changed or my attitude turns negative, she immediately asks, "momma, you mad?" then i have to respond! this is the tough part.

i read an article once {please don't ask for specifics, i don't remember :/ } where a momma had a habit of blowing up at her children for typical childlike situations {ie: making messes, pitching fits, etc} and it became so much that her children began to fear this mood change. and in an instance she caught herself and saw the fear in her children's eyes!! and if i remember correctly, it was over something truly petty, like spilling cheerios. after reading this, i of course felt terrible guilt and then begged the lord to help me recognize my own reactions and deliveries. and since then, i don't freak out less or get less irritated, but i do catch myself in the moment, or sometimes just before, and am able to decide how i really want to respond.

i pray every night {forgive me for constantly repeating myself} that my girls will not only see and feel my love for them, but that they will never doubt that it exists. they mean more to me than anything in this life and it would kill me to find that i did something to them that made them feel inferior or less deserving of my love.

i love them to pieces and am constantly reminding myself that they only deserve that love. they don't deserve to be overly fussed at and corrected. especially for small and minute things. life is too precious. they are too precious. i am going to try my absolute hardest to be the sweetest, sincerest, kindest, most patient, compassionate and considerate momma i can for them. and when it's one of those days, i need to start it with a prayer and a deep breath so that i can take it on and have no regrets.

being a momma is the hardest thing i have ever committed to, but it's also the most rewarding, so i have to try my best.
so here's to change and progression!
i can do it. :)

1 comment:

BWei said...

Thanks for the reminder, Janie! And yes, those DIY projects are sweet. Go Adam!